IN A TRIAL, A SMALL TOWN PROSECUTING ATTORNEY CALLED HIS FIRST
WITNESS TO THE STAND: A GRANDMOTHER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN, HE
APPROACHED HER AND ASKED, "MRS. JONES, DO YOU KNOW ME?"

SHE RESPONDED, "WHY, YES I DO KNOW YOU, MR. WILLIAMS. I'VE
KNOWN YOU SINCE YOU WERE A YOUNG BOY. AND FRANKLY, YOU'VE
BEEN A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT TO ME. YOU LIE, YOU CHEAT ON YOUR
WIFE, YOU MANIPULATE PEOPLE AND TALK ABOUT THEM BEHIND THEIR
BACKS. YOU THINK YOU'RE A BIG SHOT WHEN YOU HAVEN'T THE
BRAINS TO REALIZE YOU NEVER WILL AMOUNT TO ANYTHING MORE
THAN A TWO-BIT PAPER PUSHER. YES, I KNOW YOU"

THE LAWYER WAS STUNNED. NOT KNOWING WHAT ELSE TO DO, HE
POINTED ACROSS THE ROOM AND ASKED, "MRS. JONES, DO YOU KNOW
THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY?

SHE AGAIN REPLIED, "WHY YES, I DO. I'VE KNOWN MR. BRADLEY SINCE
HE WAS A YOUNGSTER, TOO. HE'S LAZY, BIGOTED, HE HAS A DRINKING
PROBLEM. HE CAN'T BUILD A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE
AND HIS LAW PRACTICE IS ONE OF THE WORST IN THE ENTIRE STATE.
NOT TO MENTION HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE WITH THREE DIFFERENT
WOMEN. YES, I KNOW HIM"

THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY ALMOST DIED AT THIS POINT. THE JUDGE
BROUGHT THE COURTROOM TO SILENCE, CALLED BOTH COUNSELORS
TO THE BENCH, AND IN A VERY QUIET VOICE SAID, "IF EITHER OF YOU
BASTARDS ASKS HER IF SHE KNOWS ME, YOU'LL BE JAILED FOR
CONTEMPT.