The Top 39 things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say ever, no matter
how much they've had to drink, no matter how far from the South they've
wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening...

39. I'll take Shakespeare for $1,000, Alex

38. Duct tape won't fix that

37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken

35. We don't keep firearms in this house

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can't feed that to the dog

32. I thought Graceland was tacky

31. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe

30. Wrasslin's fake

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We're vegetarians

27. Do you think my hair is too big?

26. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy

25. Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?

24. Who's Richard Petty?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds

22. Deer heads detract from the decor

21. Spitting is such a nasty habit

20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today

19. Trim the fat off the steak

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso

17. The tires on that truck are too big

16. I'll have the arugula and ridicchio salad

15. I've got it all on a floppy disk

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better

13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

12. My fiance, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's

11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams

9. Checkmate

8. She's too old to be wearing a bikini

7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

6. Hey, here's an episode of Hee Haw that we haven't seen

5. I don't have a favorite college team

4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side

3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer

And the #1 thing you would NEVER hear a Southerner say is,

1. Elvis who?