DO-IT-YOURSELF COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG

I met her __________ _____; I can still recall _________ she wore;

  (1) (2) (3)  
         

 

1.

2. 3.  
 

on the highway

in September that purple dress  
 

in Sheboygan

at McDonald's that little hat  
  outside Fresno ridin' shotgun that burlap bra  
  at a truck stop wrestlin' gators those training pants  
  on probation all hunched over the stolen goods  
  in a jail cell poppin' uppers that plastic nose  
  in a nightmare sort of pregnant the Stassin pin  
  incognito with her father the neon sign  
  in the Stone Age stoned on oatmeal that creepy smile  
  in a treehouse

with Merv Griffin

 the hearing aid  
  in a gay bar dead all over the boxer shorts  
         

 

She was ______ _____,

  (4) (5)  

 

4.

 5.    
  sobbin' at the toll booth in the twilight    
  drinkin' Dr. Pepper but I loved her    
  weighted down with Twinkies by the off-ramp    
  breakin' out with acne near Poughkeepsie    
  crawlin' through the prairie with her cobra    
  smellin' kind of funny

when she shot me

    
  crashin' through the guardrail on her elbows    
  chewin' on a hangnail with Led-Zeppelin    
  talkin' in Swahili with Miss Piggy    
 

drownin' in the quicksand

with a wetback    
  slurpin' up linguini in her muu-muu    
         

 

and I knew _______; _______ I'd ______ forever;

  (6) (7) (8)  

  6. 7. 8.  
  no guy would ever love her more I promised her stay with her  
  that she would be an easy score I knew deep down warp her mind  
  she'd bought her dentures in a store She asked me if swear off booze  
  that she would be a crashing bore I told her shrink change my sex  
  I'd never rate her more than "4" The judge declared punch her out  
  they'd hate her guts in Baltimore My Pooh Bear said live off her  
  it was a raven, nothing more I shrieked in pain have my rash  
  we really lost the last World War The painters knew stay a dwarf  
  I'd have to scrape her off the floor A Klingon said hate her dog  
  what strong deodorants were for My hamster thought pick my nose  
  that she was rotten to the core The blood test showed play "Go Fish"  
  that I would upchuck on the floor Her rabbi said salivate  
         

 

 

She said to me ____; But who'd have thought she'd _____

  (9) (10)  

 

9.

 10.    
  our love would never die run off    
  there was no other guy wind up    
  man wasn't meant to fly boogie    
  that Nixon didn't lie yodel    
  her basset hound was shy sky dive    
  that Rolaids made her high turn green    
  she'd have a swiss on rye freak out    
  she loved my one blue eye blast off    
  her brother's name was Hy make it    
  she liked "Spy vs. Spy" black out    
  that birthdays made her cry bobsled    
  she couldn't stand my tie grovel    
         

 

 

___________; _________ goodbye.

  (11) (12)  

  11. 12.    
  with my best friend You'd think at least that she'd have said    
  in my Edsel I never had the chance to say    
  on a surfboard She told her fat friend Grace to say    
  on "The Gong Show" I now can kiss my credit cards    
  with her dentist I guess I was too smashed to say    
  on her "Workmate" I watched her melt away and sobbed    
  with a robot She fell beneath the wheels and cried    
  with no clothes on She sent a hired thug to say    
  at her health club She freaked out on the lawn and screamed    
  in her Maytag I pushed her off the bridge and waved    
  with her guru But that's the way that pygmies say    
  while in labor She sealed me in the vault and smirked